If'n I....it's my story, I'm sticking to it!

"Oh little star of Volvo" 

Found this on the puter - {Papa J and Emma loved our car too...}

If'n I needed encouragement, I came to the right place! I have to say, after my last cry fest I thought perhaps this blogging thing needs to be curtailed! Perhaps I should self therapy somewhere else! BUT NO!  I couldn't believe the next morning and my dear sweetest of the sweetest friends had actually not only ready my sniff fest BUT chosen to pray and encourage me too! THANK YOU Jesus for sweet friends! EVEN if we are separated by hundreds if not thousands of miles!  WHAT did Paul do without the internet?  Wow....

WELL then - I want to start my moment of therapy with an acknowledgement.  THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE - I will REJOICE and be GLAD in it!!! Thank you Jesus for today!

Now - on to today’s, predicament and preponderances’....

Infertility.

A dirty little secret word that friends don't ask friends about.

People think but don't mention.

And, if you happen to share (outside a self help group of ladies who are bare and empty of tummy) than often you are given the ohhhh and hmmm and gooolllly that's hard.

And, hey, that's ok.  Because what are they supposed to say?  They don’t know what to say either!

BUT so often that leads the barest of ladies to just stop mentioning anything.  THEN the real treat starts -

INFERTILITY TREATMENTS...

Talk about a dirty word!  I hear, second, third, and fourth hand, that pregnancy hormones are hard.  That you grouch, cry, and scream for no apparent reason.   Well, there is an apparent reason - you are growing a new little, itty bitty, baby!!!

Ok, now imagine giving all those great hormones to your hubby.  How would he react?  All the hormones, but none of the "fruit" of the pain.

That's infertility treatments.  You dare to hope this emotional rollercoaster (caused by copious amounts of craze inducing hormones) will bring fourth - LIFE.  But often it doesn't, statistically it probably won't.  BUT you poor thousands of $$$$ into it.

Ok, got that off my back.  I have done this, thousands paid to ask Dr's to help make me crazy.  Well, one time in TX I thought it had worked (crazy, not prego!).  I was snappy, I cried, I was MAD at the pills, shots, creams, and ointments.  So I told the dr.

OOPS.

She said, hey, this affects everyone like this, let's put you on this drug (should have taken notice there!!!) for a "while" and then when this works (yeah, worked like a charm) we will just take you off (left of the part about withdrawal from lands beyond the living...) THUS entered Meg (who foolishly listened and didn't research this dear drug) into the world of EFFEXOR.

Shiver me timbers......

Yep, I felt better.  I wasn't snappy... I am sure people at the church thought that an invader had taken over Meg for the previous several months.  Remember not talking about INFERTILITY?  Well, then, no one knows WHY you are a venomous snake - and if you say, it's the hormones, then well - people say, control yourself.... I would, but it’s the HORMONES they are SHOOTING into me!!!!! Sigh.... Well, all the effects went away, seemed like a GREAT thing.

Then we found out we had to move...

Dr. says; stay on it, when you find new dr. to help do your treatments they will get you off after you get Prego.

That was over two years ago.

One adoption ago.

And a million headaches ago.

Still of EFFEXOR....

Remember me mentioning the withdrawal from beyond?  Well - it's bad....

OK.  Now we are caught up - and tada! I am 3/4 of the way off!  Well, let's say, today was my first day on the 3/4 off; I was 1/2 off yesterday.

Nasty nasty stuff....

After tears and withdrawal illnesses I found a great friend in the local pharmacist. With the help of a NATURAL (always a fan of nature!!!) supplement.  I am actually getting off this mind altering concoction.  BUTTTTTT that has left me with a desire to never never listen to Dr’s without researching again!  I have had to slowwwwly get off this drug - a quarter percent at a time, and with each drop down I have four or five days of headaches, illness, dizziness, tears - name it and I could probably claim it!

And that's with this amazing supplement.

I had tried to "titrate” off of it without the supplement.  Got two days through and had to go to bed.  IT was THAT bad.  Couldn't cope - couldn't parent, cook, eat, or even walk!  These strange brain flashes (very real, actual side affects!!!) that would be like an electrical punch through the head) were so horrendous that I was left in bed for the day.

Poor Brad Baby.

BUT with the supplement (its called 5-HTP) I have been able to get off!!!! PRAISE GOD!

I feel great.  BUT today is one of my drop off days.  I feel very strongly that I need to drop off this stuff - all together.  I recently found out that this Effexor is a class C drug - meaning you CAN NOT take it if you are Prego AT ALL!  Well then, dear dr., WHY DID YOU PUT ME ON IT?!?! SO so so...sigh.../

ALL THIS TO SAY (getting tired of my caps?!!!)

I am so excited to be this far in three weeks!  A bit worried as to how I will feel by this evening.  I usually do ok until the evening of the second day with the decreased dose.  SO again, if you get to this part of my story - please pray for Brad, Emma, and Josie - and for me, as we venture to get mom/maggie off of a drug that she didn't need in the first place!

IF you happen to be on an SSRI or getting off of one, I would recommend the 5-HTP like CRAZY! It is the only thing that has allowed me to venture getting off of this med.  It makes me wonder how many people feel stuck on it!

OH - my lemon tree looks ripe! I bet the grapefruit are too!!!

Thank you for letting me tell my story.  To admit to infertility - the joys of adoption and God's hand in my life!  I recently found out that I had an underlying thyroid issue, and couldn't have gotten Prego with all those treatments anyway.  (how did they miss that one?!!)  BUT I know,  I kNOW, that Jesus needed us to take our Emmi and our Josie and love them for him!  Speaking of which, the second munchkin is yelling!

Got to go.  kisses and hugs to all - even Miles if he is reading!

me